I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
