My first STD was from a foam party
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
