I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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