Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
