I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
