I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
