dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
