I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
