hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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