im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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