my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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