I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
