I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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