I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
