I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
