Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
