ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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