i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
