WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
