I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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