So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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