I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
