make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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