What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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