I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
