do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
