if i can run in heels then i can drive
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
