I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
