i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
