Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
