Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
