Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize