girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
