: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
