I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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