There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
