turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
