So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
