I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize