This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
