Your dad touched me again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
