Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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