you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize