she takes plan B like it's going out of style
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
