I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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