Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
