Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These tits shall not be calmed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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