You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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