while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
