Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
