I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize