Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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