So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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