i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
