I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
