The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
