She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
