I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
