Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Mom said you looked used
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
