just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
