I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
