The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize