yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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