She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
