haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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