Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
