i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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