my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
