we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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