I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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