I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
