Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
